La Saga avec le Duo Normand 2005 et le Grande Portliaux performance fantastique!!

.....Now look , someone said " here , why don't 'we' enter the Duo Normand 2.....up , it's such 'fun', 6 hard(l)y souls fronted.....up , oz! and Dangerous , Diplomat and Icicle and Fr Jack and Bluewater Marc , now ,me and Fr J have had some experiance of this event having rid a version in the mid 90's so had some idea of what to expect,All assembled @ chez oz! @ the alloted hour Dangerous strangely having metamorhasised(??)into Disco (see earlier 'mails), bikes were stowed , passports and licences were checked and auf 'we' set for the A3 and Portsmouth arriving in plenty of time for a light repast afore queuing tidily for our place .

l-r Icicle,Diplomat,Oz,Marc, Fatherjac

Once aboard the ferry we headed for the restaurant 4/2 fill our faces (the prisoner ate.....etc )and sit out the 4 1/2 cruise ahead , shortly we arrived in Cherbourg and the 50 mile drive to the digs this taking the shape of part of the Ibis chain situated in the boon-docks of St Lo ,being clean, basic but adequate ,setteld in we thought it a good idea to forgo the training ride and book in to the hotel restaurant where much to Diplo's delight everything came with garlic ! and , me and Disco chanced our luck by having the Mules ( silly ass ) figuring that if one was gonna have the s?&$s we may as well both suffer , we then re-hydrated sufficiently for the following mornings event

Oz and Disco 'Hydrating'

.....meanwhile, at the event, the convicted arose early ,ate breakfast, prepared to ride to the start (six miles), had second thoughts and piled into the bus, on arrival Fr J provided the caberet as only he can , leaving the dynamic duo of oz'n'Disco to pick various parts of their anatomy whilst we waited our turn , the event being divided into (sub)sections according to 'class' meaning that me and 'D' being vetrans mit licence starting 2 hours !!! after 'our' other teams , leaving more than ample time for us to ride outa town and position ourselves at the top of one of the long drags with 12 miles to go , what a diverse collection of teams they were: some taking it serious and some out to make....up the numbers 'our' teams passed the vantage point seeming to have entered the spirit of things , .........this left time for oz & Disco to sign on. Disco worried about using Dangerous's licence , he needn't have bothered as only a cursory glance was given and nasty flappy paper numbers were issued and we had to pay extra for the ( insufficient )safety-pins ( note for next year ) we were also issued with the 'following car' sign ( just like in the T.de.F )'sept we never had no following car !!, never mind , it looks very attractive on the bed head-board ( Lin IS impressed ) .......and so to the event proper )(soon).......oz!

.....as i was saying ,to the race , now after several months intensive training the whole scheme went out the window when Dangerous had to cry off at the 11th hour and Disco was called in as first reserve, a quick team discussion on the phone the night before and 'we' decided that 'we' were only going for the 'craick'and as Disco had gained several stones on his previous weeks holiday sur la continant.....road bikes were in order being ( they) were built for comfort and not for speed (us) , now, for the uninunininititityitittyitiated , the event is held at a village called Mirangy(?)near St Lo ,Normandy and is held on completely closed roads (a real luxury for us ) the village is 'en fete'for the occasion tho' the whereabouts of where to sign on/ park etc took some detective work ,all sorted itself out and me&D completely psyched......up, used the 1/4 mile down hill freewheel to the start as a warm.....up , our turn for the start ramp and the starter announced "nombre 402 ....Dayveed Hosburn et Dayveed Heeekmon Holdportleeans Cyglink Kloub ! ,a quick photo call (by the way , who's got mine ??)and off we set

Me Daveed Heekmon!!

.....so to the event itself .....(i'm SUCH a tease) as one said ,'we' were off near to mid-day when the Sun had almost reached it's perihelion (ooer!) and ,Disco being part Itie/part lizard reveled in the heat and me being of Anglo Saxon/Norman stock visibly wilted in the heat , the 'race' starts on a proper ramp with Pierre giving the....tres,deux.une,depart,...fingers (!) as per les tour and we were pushed straight into a quarter mile 1:10 climb ; cheered on by several old men and their dogs (sign them....up quick )the stars came later ,at the first marshall at the top of the climb me&D were giving a good impression of an accordion duet !, there then was 5 miles of rough rutted 'B' roads that climbed
impercepably never allowing one to 'settle in'.....@ 6.5 miles we were caught for 3 minutes !! (did i tell you .we were only there for the craick ?),i was glued to Discos wheel not able to A:breath,B: do a tap , at 8 miles we were turned onto a long stretch of dual carriage-way ( all closed remember)by some tailors dummies (the stars started at tea time )(don't they know who i used to be ?)and looking....up the road ,i spied our 'minute' men " look Barry " i said " i can see our minute men ,we'll 'av them " and taking a time check , i re-checked at the same point , only to find our 'minute-men ,.....were still 1 minute ahead ......plus another 2 minutes .....D'OH !....it was a very long piece of road , then back into the lanes again, now , as they say in feetball ," it's a course of two halves" the second half seemingly being a series of long ,dead drags that get less amusing the further they go on ....."Look Barry " i said 25 k's .....half way....by this time i'd found my second wind just as Disco started to struggle.....up'n'down,....up'n'down the road meandered and we were caught by more and more teams (did i tell you we were....etc)

Oz and Disco Daveed finish

.....i should mention that we caught 2 teams ,....unfortunately ,they were in the handycapped ,hand propelled tandem section,.....(but ,hey, we were only there for the .....etc).....we were caught by one team on one of those long drags who dropped us ,then , on reaching the bottom of the drop off the top we almost caught them at the 90 deg left hander where they seemed to have gone straight on .....up the bank !! .....then ,into the start/finish thro the zig-zag 'round the village square (which would have been interesting in the wet,having several metal man-hole covers and cobbles on the corners )past the grand-stand to much ribbald derision from our O.P co-legs , then onto the last leg ,six miles ,three being down hill to a dead turn 'round a mini-r/b then 3 miles.....up a Badgers
like drag along a stretch of road coned down the middle ,so you could see who was catching/dropping you ,then the last 1 km down to the finish where one could 'sprint' for the line .....deep joy , i should also mention , EVERY kilometer was signposted just to add to the agony.

Fatherjac and Marc catching(being droppedby) a straggler

.... after our exertions , we repaired to the local hostalry where Stella was consumed Then after baiting the S.E.R.C party (who had more supporters than riders )we returned to the Ibis , and , much against the advise of Disco who told us "France closes on Sun' and Mon", Icicle convinced us to go to St Lo , " 'Cos, it'll be jumping !" ,we then watched the tumble-weed roll down the high street and returned to the Ibis with our tails between our (collective )legs ....and ate "more french muck "as Diplomat put it , fighting manfully against the urge to frequent the MackyD's across the road (well done ).....more beer and wine later we then partook in the O.P's 'poole champ's' being sited on the mezanine in the rafters of the bar ,also serving as a sauna !!! , the rules of the game was prportionaly vague to the alcohol consumed ,as the volume rose and the 'french' took on an 'oz!speak ' quality , till we were told by 'the management ' to keep the volume down as we were upsetting the locals !!! (US ?) , then we turned in for the night
,pondering a 'training ride ' before the ferry ......oz!

.so , to sum .....up , the week-end was (as usual) a success ,thanks go to Fr J for his doing the leg work/supplying the bus and for his entertaing the troops on the morning of the event !! , Bluewater Marc for his brave effort ,being his first t.t and putting ....up with a bunch of geriatrics , to Diplomat for doing 'all' the driving , Icile for his indepensable directions for where to park/ which road to take ( Diplo' would have been lost without you ) both Chris's for their introducing new words and phrases into the O.P's lexacon and their grasp of the French language ,to Disco for stepping in at the last moment and allowing me to take a good thrashing( that's what friends are for ) and ,for his rendition of a saw mill during the night to prevent me from getting TOO much sleep !! .....thanks and well done lads , next year 'we' must get a bigger party to go , it's well worth the trip ,......oz!......the end . .....p.s. .....i still ain't got any joy from the D.N. web site as to what time we done , both me&D were too knackered to check our watches ,BUT, with a couple of miles to go (with the downhill to come) i checked 'our'average which was 19.5m.p.h AND if it was 50km (31 miles ) ,therfore 31 miles @ 20's ish is 1 h 33 mins + a bit = 1 hour 37/8 ish (maybe)........('cos , one could be wrong )
....p.p.s.......Who you smileing at.....????