Eastbourne Detraining ride

October 2005

Friday 7th

Nice weather. Plenty of chat .... and singing. I could barely breathe
going up Toys Hill - Lucky was singing. Does everyone know what a lovely
voice Lucky has? He sounds more like Dean Martin than ... well, Dean
Martin.

Quick snack break at the top and then off and down Ide
Hill. Geography gets a bit hazy here but I know it was pretty, very
important point, the view etc. It was also hilly. Karen and Rupert split
off to go home (somewhere near a hill). Disco carried on a bit longer and
then he too split off (just after another hill).

Ashdown Forest was the goal now, with a lunch stop after. Didn't know
Ashdown Forest was at the top of some big hills (did I mention that I don't
like hills?). Stupid place to put a forest if you ask me. Anyway with Bash
encouragingly, and quite untruthfully, mentioning that it would be all
downhill from now on we arrived at the Cafe, where they treated us royally
even when Lucky offered Oz the use of the kiddies high chair.

Stuffed full of sandwiches, soup, full breakfasts (no names mentioned Vino)
and having upset a couple of "ladies who lunch" - I don't think they
appreciated the Portly earthy sense of humour - we set off again.

Haven't a clue where we were but that was ok because nor did anyone else.
Lucky produced a map, Oz wouldn't stay still long enough to let him read it,
heated discussions and bickering ensued. From the safety of the back
snippets of conversation could be heard ...... "need longer than two seconds
to read it", "call yourself an ex army man", "no-one listens to me" etc. We
eventually burst forth from the country lanes into the outskirts of
Eastbourne where the traffic playfully tried to carve us up at every
opportunity and caused Marc to call the drivers all sorts of unusual names.
Refuelling stop at a bikers cafe (as in motor - where they do a nice line in
leather goods) and then off to the seafront and the welcoming lights of the
B&B.

Much joy and happiness as we careered to a halt outside the B&B to be met by Diplo, Don and Nicky who had driven down with all our luggage. Also Jezza, who had somehow cunningly managed to beat us down (on his bike) despite leaving London after us.

Then DISASTER. "Where the f.....g(lovemaking) hell is Owen?" Mortified faces all round. "Oh f..k(lovemaking) we've left him behind". Owen did turn up safe and sound, thank goodness, shortly after and said fondly "you b.....ds(lovechildren), you left me!!!!"

Sheena.

Saturday 8th

....dearest allpots ,after much nagging , it's time for the completion of the Eastbourne 'de-training w/e report.

Following Sheenas excellent summary of Fridays' ride down , it only leaves me to fill in Sat' and Sun'....

Saturdays' ride takes the form of an 'easy' round trip to Battle for scoff leaving the rest of the day for 'relaxation' now , 'Mein Hoste' at 'Bay Lodge' had come...up with a 'pot' to be awarded for some endevour ,as long as it's primary winner was 'El Presidente', thus leaving the rest of us to devise some sort of event where Wakey couldn't fail to win But,to which he wasn't privy and a cunning stunt was decided upon where El P would win the gallop into Battle and we'd all feign disappointment at being beaten ,...all went well to plan ,with Jezza blocking any late breaks and gradually leadind El P to the front ,'sept' with half-a-mile to go ,Wakey shot off the front like a scalded cat leaving everyone else in his wake (no pun....etc) so he never needed our help any-way !

'El Campianisimo'

.....Once in Battle, we repaired to The 1066' P/H which had become our usual watering hole, as the manager let us put our bikes in the bar (very civilised) only to find it had 'changed hands' !. Nevertheless booze and scoff was ordered and we sat down to await a sumptuous repast.

Oh, what a let down!!. The phrase 'Bacchanalian orgy in an ale-house ' comes (very aptly) to mind , nufink wrong with the drink BUT, Dangerous's Bacon'n'Avacado Chiabatta arrived sans Avacado and my Spag-Boll' turned up with chips ! ,cold and a 'meat' sauce so bland i had to stick a sachet of brown sauce in it to give it some taste !!! not only that but the order took AN HOUR-AND-A-HALF to fill !!! ( note for next year , find some-where else).

The obligatory photo' o/s Battle Castle completed we set off for E/B. Now , 'Eagle-eyed-oz!' had spotted what appeared to be a quiet lane that ran almost parellel to our usual route and the younger (YOUNGER !! any-one under fifty !!)element of our contusion (?) sorry convention were kept under tight rein till this bucolic idyll was sought out and the pleasures of the Pevency Levels was 'enjoyed'.

All was almost orderly till the out-skirts E/B where a combination of a rush of blood to the head and Saturday traffic and the 'bio-mass hit the revolving apparatus' leaving every-one to their own devices. This completed it left the rest of the day to visit bike shop/find a pub/ chill out pending the evenings entertainment....

Saturday Evening

.. ..Saturday evening followed Friday's being in the 'Marine', a kind of "Harvester ++ " with better grub . 'Brontosaurus' were consumed and we retired to the bar where , thankfully , this time without the previous evening 'caberat' here we were joined by Jezzas mate Stan and Phoenix Cycles mechanic Max ( who talks bikes....) a merry evening was passed in good company then we retired to await the gathering storm.... that is, the ride home

Sunday 9th

.....one awoke refreshed ( the advantage of having a single room) and packed ready for breckers and the ride home this time without Sheena but with Nix , now, it was quite a novelty to spend the week-end with a dry botty as usually were greeted with somewhat inclement weather but this year ne'er a drip ( well ?) off we set back across the 'levels'to Hailsham and Horam , here we frequented the 'bikers-caf' again and sat in their  car park whilst the 'greasers' eyed our lycra clad forms ( tho' Nix's took the pressure off a bit)..fully sated we left to try and discover the lanes we come down on and avoid the main drag , strangely enough this proving far easier going home than coming ( saving me the wrath-of-Lucky
(no it's not a new Star Trek film )

After many ....up'n'downs and not a few 'Gentlemans comfort breaks' we neared Maresfield and the Ashdowne . Here i tried to follow Kermits plan to 'knock some discipline' into the Old Ports Machine and , despite strict instructions, Lucky decided he wasn't having any and tore us apart....( it was only a few miles to lunch anyway )....arriving at the garden center at the top , we were treated to lunch 'al-fresco' ( nice little italian bloke ).
  We sat on the terrace soaking up the sun. Yet once more the whip was cracked and it was  'back on yer 'eads' for the last leg home ,

Now from the Ashdowne it looks flat on the map ,but....nearing Cowden Pound we hung a right towards Bough Beech figuring that it would be flatter ?!! ,this left us the climb of Ide Hill and the A21. These were rattled off and we all arrived home for tea.

To summarise , another successeful O/P's week-end. Many thanks to Lucky for all the donkey work and the Diplomat for 'ferrying duties' and to the assembled club , it wouldn't be the same without you.....a special 'well done' to Sheena and Nicky for their rides .....patronising old fool you might say BUT ,it's alright for us grizzled and gnarled 'old gits' but for the dainty 'LAY-ADIES' it must have been hell.....oz!
....p.s.....youv'e all done .....very well
....p.p.s......so this bloke go's into the Butchers and asks
....." do you keep Dripping?"
....."no" says the Butcher " not since the operation "